A visit from the newlyweds

Jane and I were eager for the Wickhams' carriage to arrive to Longbourn, but my mother was most impatient; my father acted as if their visit was nothing out of the ordinary. However, I was not excited because I hadn't seen Lydia in months; I was excited because I would be able to witness whether their affection for one another was true and evident in their behavior. My mother greeted them warmly, and Wickham portrayed himself as noble as ever, yet I was not fond that he continued to try to converse with me about his acquaintances in the neighborhood. Lydia informed my sisters and I of the details of the wedding, and it was obvious that she felt no regret whatsoever for her elopement and departure from Brighton. Nevertheless, I was pleased to confirm my previous thoughts; Lydia had much more affection for Wickham than he had for her, and it was almost impossible to picture them as happy in the future as Lydia imagined.

Utter embarassment and regret

I sincerely wish that I had not told Mr. Darcy of Lydia's elopement with Wickham in my sudden moments of distress! I am fully aware and grateful to know that he can be trusted and did not inform anyone else of this troubling circumstance. However, I am ashamed that Mr. Darcy is knowledgeable of my sister's stupidity for acting in this manner, and there is no hope that he will ever renew the purposals I once rejected of his. I desire to hear what he has to say of the matter, although I know it would be far from delightful, and it brings me disappointment to be unsure of when him and I will meet next. Nonetheless, I can only imagine how glad Mr. Darcy must feel now, considering the fact that he is not connected with a family such as mine; I hate to wonder how happy I could have been with him.

Married at last

As Jane and I were taking a stroll, Mrs. Hill came up to us to inform us that an express had come from Mr. Gardiner for father, and we could not help but wonder the possibilities of its contents! We quickly ran to meet him, and I read the letter aloud; it revealed that Mr. Gardiner had found Lydia and Wickham's whereabouts, and as long as the engagements were met, the couple would be married. What joy this brought to Jane and I, but mostly to mother! Although I know that it is impossible for Lydia to have everlasting happiness with Wickham, and that their marriage will soon turn to a disaster, it is delightful to finally know that Lydia is safe and in good condition. Jane cannot help but believe that Wickham must have at least some regard for Lydia, but I could never allow myself to believe that; Jane is obviously a lot kinder than I.

The truth has been discovered

No matter how strange it is that I have been aware of Wickham's true character, thanks to Mr. Darcy, for quite a while now, the whole town of Meryton currently seems to find discussion in his lack of manners and foul personality. Only months before, Wickham was constantly praised in town by those who did not even know him; however, it is currently the complete opposite. His elopement with Lydia has definitely contributed to the formation of the negative opinion of him by all, but I like to think that it was not just this event that caused most to change their mind about him. Nevertheless, I am thankful that people are beginning to see how truly deceitful and devious Mr. Wickham is. Despite his convincing visage of generosity, Wickham does not deserve to be seen as a noble, good-natured man, for his actions of the past have proved otherwise.

Miss Darcy

Mr. Darcy presented his sister to me today in Lambton, and I was astonished to observe that she is nothing like I had been told. Miss Darcy is not in the least bit arrogant or proud; on the contrary, she is shy and extremely reticent. Nevertheless, when I had the opportunity of conversing with her, she was kind and considerate, and her manners were graceful and as impressive as her brother's. Miss Darcy continued to surprise me by inviting my aunt, uncle, and I to dine with them in the days to come, and I regretted ever having malevolent thoughts of her. She is the complete opposite of what I had expected, and I honestly look forward to what the dinner will bring.

Dire need of explanation

It is extremely difficult to conceal the information that was revealed to me in Mr. Darcy's letter from my aunt and uncle! After being in his presence today, they remarked that Mr. Darcy is nothing like the selfish, cruel man I described him as. I tried to explain that I had been a bit mistaken by his character, but I wish I could just disclose the contents of the letter without making everything more confusing. I am aware that doing so would cause trouble and only make matters worse, but I wish it weren't so. I despise the fact that my comments of the past have influenced my relatives against Darcy and to favor Wickham, but it will just take time for their opinions to be corrected.  

No words to describe it

I had a feeling coming to Pemberley wasn't the best idea, and the arrival of Mr. Darcy only confirmed my biggest worries! I was caught speechless in his presence, and when our eyes met, I felt nothing but pure embarassment! He probably thinks I came in search of him, to say that I was a fool for not accepting his proposal and to apologize for refusing him in such a rude manner. I can only imagine to what level his pride has flourished to now! His character and manners have changed greatly and definitely impressed me; however, it only made the situation more uncomfortable, and I only felt that much more ashamed.  

Oh Pemberley...

As I walked through the Pemberley household, I could not help but think that if I had accepted Darcy's proposals, I would have been quite familiar with the fancy decor and lavish furnishings, instead of being surprised at the beauty and elegance of the residence with every step I took. The housekeeper's numerous remarks of praise towards Mr. Darcy striked me as a bit peculiar too, but one cannot expect anything different when present in their home. I was grateful that my aunt and uncle had plenty of questions for Mrs. Reynolds about Darcy and his family, for it allowed me to learn more about them without it seeming strange that I was so interested in the matter. I had to try my best to withhold my laughter when Mrs. Reynolds said that she did not know when someone "good enough" for Mr. Darcy would come around so he could be married, but she does have a point. If she had any idea that I had been of interest to him, I can only imagine the harsh words she would have to say.

Lydia's Invitation to Brighton

I cannot believe that my father would even consider allowing Lydia to accompany Mrs. Forster to Brighton! Does he not realize what shame and embarassment she brings our family, flirting with each and every soldier stationed in the camp? It is frustrating to think that he is willing to let Lydia go just because he does not want to deal with the great amount of complaining and whining he would receive from her if he were to say no, and my mother's support on the subject just makes it that much worse. Nevertheless, I do not wish to fret too much over something that does not concern me. Lydia will eventually learn the proper way to act in society, so if she chooses to make a fool of herself now, then so be it.

Jane's reaction to the news

I was finally privileged with the opportunity to tell Jane all that I had discovered regarding Mr. Darcy's feelings for me, and I was happy to see that for the most part, we were in agreement. She did not blame me for refusing him, but she felt sorry for the amount of disappointment he must be having to cope with. Jane's continuous thoughts and actions of pure kindness and utter compassion never fail to amaze me, and I wonder how we are so close yet hold opinions of others and of the world in a completely different perspective. Anyway, as I proceeded to tell her the contents of the letter, Jane refused to believe that such malicious, cruel people existed on this planet. Numerous excuses were formed on Wickham's behalf as to why he may have behaved in such a manner; nevertheless, we were both fully aware that his actions could not be justified.

Home sweet home!

To be honest, I was not completely pleased with the fact that Kitty and Lydia were sent to greet Jane, Maria, and I upon our arrival to Hertfordshire, but I was eager and that much more excited to be in the presence of my father again. It was a bit annoying that Lydia spent her money on an ugly bonnet instead of treating us to lunch as she said, but I have grown accustomed to her personality, so I was not disappointed. In fact, my mood was enhanced with the news that the soldiers were to be camped near Brighton, and I cannot deny that my satisfaction was evident. However, I felt agitated once more when Lydia brought up the topic of Mr. Wickham, yet I was pleased to hear that Mary would not have to suffer a lifetime attached to that deceitful man. It sickens me to think that I once believed his collection of lies, but more at the fact that I once pitied him because of them.

Preparing to return home

Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam departed from Rosings today, and I am astonished to think that my stay has almost come to an end as well! Despite my doubts upon arriving to Hunsford, I have enjoyed myself quite well, and it has been nice to spend some time comfortably in the presence of Charlotte once again. My smile cannot be hidden when pondering the fact that if I had accepted Darcy's marriage proposal, I would have been presented as Lady Catherine's future niece; imagining her perplexed reaction is simply what makes the thought so entertaining. However, as I prepare to leave within the next week, I feel an array of mixed emotions regarding how I am going to recount the information Mr. Darcy has revealed to me to Jane, or if I should even do so. I do not wish to sadden her even more, but the anxiety of knowing so much and not being able to converse with anyone about it is extremely hard to bear. 

Mr. Darcy loves ME?!

I do not think I have ever been more astonished or perplexed in my entire lifetime. Mr. Darcy just poured out his feelings for me, and he even asked me to marry him! The fact that he is attracted to me only confuses me of his character even more; since the first day I met him, he has only behaved rudely to my family and I, and he acts as if his wealth and social status justify his doing so. However, despite my dislike of him, I cannot help but feel flattered that he has felt this way for a matter of time; nevertheless, no amount of persuasion could alter my refusal to his proposal. The conceit and selfishness he portrays on a daily basis and the countless times he has offended me simply cannot be ignored because he has a sudden desire to be charming and confess to me the yearnings of his heart. 

Why Mr. Bingley REALLY stopped contact with Jane...

If Mr. Darcy's behavior towards me was not enough of an excuse to form a dislike for him, I am sure that the information Colonel Fitzwilliam just provided is adequate proof to find the man most disagreeable. He told me that Mr. Darcy feels as if he has done a noble act of kindness by interfering with one of his friend's marriages, for there are "some very strong objections against the lady." One of good sense and a credible mind would never object to Jane; she is wise, compassionate, and altruistic, and she would suit Bingley perfectly. It infuriates me to think that Mr. Darcy was the one to destroy the prospective happiness they would have had together, that he justifies his malicious, prideful actions to the well-being of his beloved friend. Mr. Bingley is experienced and old enough as to be capable of making his own decisions, and the fact that Mr. Darcy so easily convinced him against marrying Jane is absolutely aggravating. 

Mr. Darcy's unscheduled visit

Charlotte argues that Mr. Darcy's visit was certainly because he is in love with me, but I cannot allow myself to believe such nonsense. However, it does strike me as quite odd that he was to visit while no one else was home, but he claims to have been unaware of the others' absence. I do wish he talked more though, for the continuous silences during our conversations do get most awkward. I constantly have to ponder new topics to discuss, and I despise it; I do not enjoy the man's presence and the arrogance which accompanies it whatsoever. Why Mr. Darcy did not just leave immediately after arriving, I am unsure, but I am positive that he does not have any romantic feelings for me as Charlotte firmly believes. 

Unnecessary admiration for Lady Catherine

I find myself in the utmost confusion as to why Charlotte and Collins dedicate so much of their precious time to Lady Catherine. All she ever does is critique their lifestyle and criticize every aspect of their home, and I certainly would not have the patience to bear her arrogant opinions. I understand she is a most respected and dignified woman in Hunsford, but I feel as if Mr. Collins almost worships her as if she was immortal, and I find this a bit irritating at times. However, I enjoy the time I have to myself when I do not accompany the others to Rosings, for the excellent weather provides for a pleasurable stroll in the grove. All in all, I am  delighted to say that my time spent here so far has been great, and I only look forward to what the remaining weeks and the festivities of Easter have to bring.