Utter embarassment and regret

I sincerely wish that I had not told Mr. Darcy of Lydia's elopement with Wickham in my sudden moments of distress! I am fully aware and grateful to know that he can be trusted and did not inform anyone else of this troubling circumstance. However, I am ashamed that Mr. Darcy is knowledgeable of my sister's stupidity for acting in this manner, and there is no hope that he will ever renew the purposals I once rejected of his. I desire to hear what he has to say of the matter, although I know it would be far from delightful, and it brings me disappointment to be unsure of when him and I will meet next. Nonetheless, I can only imagine how glad Mr. Darcy must feel now, considering the fact that he is not connected with a family such as mine; I hate to wonder how happy I could have been with him.